“So when are you going to have a baby?"
“You must be choosing your career over having children.”
“There's no greater feeling for a woman than bringing life into the world.”
If you're a woman who does not have biological children, you may have heard these or similar questions and remarks before. I know I have. I used to respond with a cool, “I'm going to have a baby when the time is right;” progressing to a nod and a smile to now, I boldly say, “I AM A MOTHER.”
Being a mother was a big part of my childhood fantasies growing up. I never stuffed pillows under my shirt pretending to be pregnant as kids oftentimes do. Somehow I just felt that I was ALREADY a mother; I just hadn’t grown into it yet. In my childhood make believe world, the mud pies I made, the collard green flower leaves, fig fruit boiled potatoes and tree branch chicken were all for my family and I took pride in nurturing them. It brought me joy to serve them. I even cooked the meal in real pots and pans, then served it off real plates and silverware I snuck from my great great-grandmother’s kitchen! She’s passed away now, but I don’t know if she ever knew I did that. Lol
In my early 20s I began noticing that not only children but sometimes adults were drawn to me. From a simple embrace, we connected. They trusted me with their issues and ideas. They asked my advice and wisdom on certain matters. They trusted my listening, non-judgmental ear. At this time, those cues and glimpses into “mothering being defined’ were not obvious to me. I was honored that I was considered a “safe space” for others, but it wouldn’t be until later in life that I’d understand the magnitude of what was happening. This decade of my life I like to call “Purposeful Preparation”
Some years later as I was approaching my 30s and my biological clock was ticking, YES I HEARD IT LOUD AND CLEAR (smile), I began to cry out to God. I asked in my prayer time will I ever have children and be a mother. The answer came in an unwavering, solidified YES. No drawn out long reply. No pep talk. Just yes. I couldn’t understand why the stars hadn’t aligned in my favor to become pregnant and birth a baby into this world. What was taking so long? Even in all of the questions, I believed God’s yes and I believed there was a plan.
Fast forward to today, I didn't realize earlier in life that at age 39 I would not physically have a family of little ones sitting at the dinner table eating the food that I had prepared, like I’d imagined as a child. However, at this age, I embraced God’s path for my life and not the re-defining but the REFINING of who I was as a woman. Innately I am a nurturer. I was fashioned with the capacity to listen intently and purposed with a heart to chastise with love. Typically, these are instinctive characteristics of a mother. Whether I bore children or adopted them, the picture of motherhood had personally become clearer to me by now.
It wasn’t until I began going to church that I gained more clarity and got yet another perspective on motherhood. I heard the term Mother being used for the older, seasoned and wise women that filled the pews few and far between; usually in their 70’s, 80’s and even 90’s. Being called “Mother” was an honor and not just anyone could hold this precious adoration.
This observation soon led to a revelation about mothers. A mother can also have children who’ve been spiritually connected to them. In this beautiful discovery, I started studying these women and taking note of why they were adored so much. It was in this A-ha moment that I redefined a mother’s role for myself.
For me, the responsibility of being a mother was to
Provide unconditional love and an environment of positive reinforcement and support.
Help develop skills, discover strengths, and discern spiritual gifts.
Teach harmony, justice and equity to become socially aware and communally active.
Be present and involved, interacting, communicating and allowing for self-exploration.
Live as an example and a model of not only what I say, but also what I do.
Express the goodness of God and how to use God’s love to inspire others.
If you are a woman who desires to be a mother and does not have children that you’ve birthed from your womb, know that you still can be. You can birth life into children and others by helping them to discover their purpose and being a positive influence in their lives. Though out your life, God is continuing to confirm and validate your destiny of motherhood. Each person you meet, you have the opportunity to impart wisdom, knowledge, motivation, inspiration and love into them. And for those that you are blessed to have more time with, you have a recurring role in cultivating them to greatness! Your POWER in motherhood is important and needed.
It is truly by no accident that every experience, even right down to my childhood play time, God was preparing me for motherhood. Connecting those dots helped me to realize that there were endless opportunities around me to mentor and leave a legacy. It wasn’t in my biggest dream that I would develop mentoring and coaching programs. Growing up I didn’t think that I’d be writing plays to give young people an outlet to express their creative arts or conducting writing workshops to give them blank pages to use their words to create stories. However, because I allowed God to nurture my heart for motherhood, here I am today helping others to be beautifully inspired and to write their stories beautiful. I am excited about having discovered my own beauty and joy of motherhood. I am indeed divined. Proudly and distinctly wearing the honorable crown of “Mother”. For that, I am forever grateful.
I pray that you enjoyed my transparency. I have accepted this call and am enjoying every moment. I want you to take advantage of being blessed with all of these stories from over 50 women from Australia across the United States. You can purchase "Chocolate and Diamonds: Celebrating the Majesty of Motherhood" right now for just $1.00. Enjoy it beautifully!