Dear Current People Pleasers from a Former People Pleaser Saying no people probably makes you cringe. You probably take on the responsibility of how someone may feel about you if you don’t do what they ask. You may also care about what others think more often than you want to admit. While your intentions may be good, you’re most likely operating out of fear. The crippling fear of not being good enough so to prove that you are, you overcompensate by saying yes when you want to say no. Saying yes when you’re tired. Saying yes when you know you’re being used and taken advantage of. At some point you’ve said yes to so many things and so many people that you start forgetting what you’ve committed to. Now, you can’t be trusted. Nobody believes you’re gonna do what you say you’re gonna do. Your integrity weakens because you can’t fulfill it all and you get frustrated. Yet you continue to say yes because you haven’t dealt with the negative core belief of not good enough. This is what the vicious cycle of people pleasing can look like. The by-product of pleasing people is that you’re also a liar. What you think, feel, say, and do are incongruent. How did I recover? By practicing honoring my thoughts and what I felt. Even if saying no was uncomfortable, I did it anyway until I built up my “no muscle.“ I affirmed myself daily that I am good and don’t have to prove it by doing things I don’t want to do. I accepted that I am not responsible for how other people feel by my no or my yes for that matter. How others choose to feel I no longer made my business. The weight of people pleasing is heavy and can be tough to get over, however you can. I’m living proof. Life is so much better and authentic on this side. I laugh so much more.
Sincerely,
Schan
